Another Christmas been and gone!

Well, that's it over for another year! Phew! This one was the first which wasn't prefaced with "This time next year..."

This was our first Christmas where the 'hope' of children was no longer valid.

To cut a long and painful story short, we've been trying for kids for years. Been through 6 (self- funded)  IVF cycles. 2 miscarriages .  2 adoption rejections.  We've decided it's not going to happen so, it's time to move on.... I say we've decided, it's more that it has been decided for us. But I'm trying to maintain some control by saying 'I've', 'We've' decided!

So, time to move on, to get on with our lives but where, what, how? This is where whoever REALLY decided, let us down. If we had truly decided, then surely we would have some modicum of idea as to what to do with our life- just us two...  but we don't....

We had originally decided that we would have a little girl (or a little boy, either would have been fine!!) We were going to have family meals around the table. We were going to the beach and the park to enjoy the simple things in life. You know, jumping waves or running through fallen leaves. We were going to play and dance and sing, we were going to have a fantastic bedtime routine and really enjoy being together. We were going to relive our childhoods though our child. But that's not going to happen....so what happens now? Good question!

The world's our oyster, we're child-FREE! We should make the most of this opportunity.

PARALYSIS is what is happening.... fear....bewilderment....indecision....

It's made me really question my whole life purpose....What is the point? What am I supposed to do? Dramatic, I know....but it is to me!

In this world in which we live, there seems to be a fixation with being a mother. Don't get me wrong I've bought into it along with the next woman. But is that what it's all about? Or is there a valid alternative? Well, that's what I'm hoping to explore and FIND over the next 12 months.

Hx