Hello
Long time, no speak. It’s getting colder and moving into
autumn one of my favourite times of year.
So, what have I been up to? Living! Yep! You heard me right!
This summer was so different to others I’ve had in the last
few years. The weather was unusually un- British. There was 'wall to wall'
sunshine. We decided not to go abroad, so I had a full six weeks at home.
I discovered meditation. Wow- never realised how beneficial
it would be. It helped me in so many ways. My whole demeanour was calmer. I
feel more self-assured. I’m sleeping better. PMT has reduced. Massive benefits!!
I de-cluttered the whole house and myself in the process. I
decided that just because people had given me stuff: presents, cast offs or
things they mistakenly thought that I would like, didn’t mean that I had to
keep them. I could choose! I could decide, so I did! I chucked out stuff that I’d
been holding on to for years, so long that I could remember why. I got rid of
books that I’d never read (donations from my mum) or books that meant nothing
to me any more (books linked to religious study). I de-cluttered the mug
cupboard, saving only my favourite ones. It was empowering to think that what I
kept was kept because I’d decided – ME! Not because I felt obliged. Then I bought things for the house. Nothing
big, for example I changed the shower curtain, bought a new bath mat bought a
few towels. They all go together, not because they match (although they all
have a navy theme) but because I chose them and put them together. I had
control. I was exerting my choice, my ideas. I was chuffed to bits because for
once in my life I was living in a place where I did what pleased me. Not in a
selfish, self-centred way but in a “I have a VOICE” (The Queen’s speech film)
kinda way.
I’ve
been part of a community online for childless women called ‘Gateway Women’.
By
being a member of this community and talking and sharing with other childless
women from all walks of life, I feel less alone and in that, more myself. I’ve
met up with women and even organised my own get together (something I could
only imagined doing in wildest dreams in less than a year ago). As I’ve said
the women I’ve met come from all walks of life. The first time I met up with
them was really peculiar for me. Normally I’d be really worried about what to wear,
what to say, what if I didn’t know what to do? What if they don’t like me? What
if I don’t like them? blah, blah, blah!! But I wasn’t worried. For the first
time in my life I didn’t need them to like me because I liked me. I didn’t need
to impress, if they didn’t like me that was their choice, nothing I could do about
it. But I wasn’t going to change so that they liked me. In fact I had a wonderful
time. I met 3 women from different walks
of life and they treated me like a real fully fledged person (I think that it
had much to do with me acting like a real person!)
I’ve lost 10lbs and I’m determined to lose the rest to get
into a smaller size pair jeans. I’m sticking with it- something I’ve never been
able to do in the past.
I’ve signed up for a weekend photography course. Something I’ve
always wanted to do but have never dared!
I feel like I’m finally finding out who I am – or living who
I am, not who I think people want me to be!
I’m beginning to like the person that I am, not a little, but
actually, quite a lot!!
Watch this space ….J
