I'm in a bit of a pickle! Nothing serious....or is it?! The more I think, the more I see, and yet, the more confused I become.


I've been trying to write a novel. I say trying, I have this plot whizzing round my head. It's based on my life, well sections. They say write about what you know about so I have this idea. My plot is based around a primary school teacher. A woman who wants to be a mother. She has a variety of reasons for wanting to be a mother, primarily to enjoy the security of the family life that she never experienced as a child. She also believes that she will become a fulfilled person, a grown up, by becoming a mother. She marries a man and they try to have a family but it's not as simple as they first thought. In a empathetic way, she donates her eggs believing that she could offer the hope that she herself believes is guaranteed. In pursuit of motherhood she examines herself and her childhood and who the person she has become against the person she 'should have become'. After years of IVF and a failed adoption application.She finally begins to face that her life as a mother is not meant to be. She throws herself into work. She supports a child in her class who appears to be going through a rough time at home. She builds up a bond with the child and can see herself in the child. They both like cats, singing and have a similar sense of humour. The teacher questions her professionalism but decides that she is only supporting the child. The child's family moves away and the teacher and pupil keep in touch through letters and Christmas cards. The woman realises that her pursuit of motherhood is a way to reclaim her childhood. She goes through therapy and realises that she has suppressed many aspects of her personality and longs to be the person she was meant to be. She confronts her past and manages to find her suppressed self. She finds the life that she was meant to have in a form which was very different from the one she expected. She also finds that the child she helped years before was actually her own daughter from the donated egg she gave and forgot about.

There's the rough plot. But how do I write it? It's not true but I'm writing from a stance where there is some truth in it.

My fear is that I'm writing it to give my own life a happy ending. The ending that I fear is never coming for me. 

What should I be doing with my life?